One-Liner Wednesday – Fresh Air

You know you need to go outside when it’s nicer outside your house than it is inside it.


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One-Liner Wednesday – Hygiene

My friend: “You must bite the a** of life!”

Me: “That doesn’t sound very hygienic, like, at all.”



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One Liner Wednesday – Where’s My Hammer



Priorities in the right order: You need the hammer to knockout the store clerk so you can get your money back to pay the blacksmith for the sword you plan to use on Waldo when you finally manage to find him.



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Hardcover Monday – Harry Potter

I actually own half the series in paperback and the other half in hardcover, so yeah.

A few weeks ago (or something like that, I’ve been having a hard time keeping track of the passing of time), I realized that while I grew up with the Harry Potter books, I never read them all in order, like one right after the other. I just read them as I bought them from the store, or as my parents bought them from the store for me, rather. They’ve remained faithfully on my bookshelf through the years, though, while other have been put in storage under my bed or in the attic or closet or anywhere else that isn’t really on display.

Wow, I need to get some new bookcases…

Anyway, I was looking at them, and decided to go ahead and read them all again, in order, one after the other (or mostly, a couple of books for book clubs have gotten in the way).

It’s like reliving pieces of my childhood. The nostalgia is real, guys. And I’m only on the third book.

I don’t really know what I can say about Harry Potter that people don’t already know, so let me tell you a story. Well, actually, two stories, both of which happened on the same day.

A friend of mine and I took a trip to Universal last year (the one in Orlando), and Harry Potter World was basically our top stop. The second you enter it, though, you’re surrounded by fanatics and stupid people. It’s pretty much an either or, as long as you’re not counting the actual park workers. We were walking over the bridge you can see the castle from when we overheard some girl ask in all seriousness, “So, that’s where they filmed the films?” Yes, they filmed the entire thing in Florida.

Later that day, after taking the Hogwarts Express to the other park where Diagon Alley is located, we were walking by the houses from the fifth book, the ones where Order of the Phoenix is hidden. The was this woman absolutely excited to take a picture on the stoop of the Order of Phoenix house, and she was not shy to let anyone walking by. Then she climbed the steps to the house next to it. It’s pretty obvious which house is the right one, too. It’s a different color, and Kreacher peaks out from one of the windows every once in a while. It was a serious debate between us whether or not to tell her. We finally yelled it as we were walking away, though I have no idea if she heard us or not.

Fake Map and Fifty Shades

Okay, so what kind of time capsule are we talking about? A big box? A small tube? Waterproof no matter what, I hope. And when will it be getting opened? 10 years? 20 years? 50 years? 100 years?

That kind of information changes what gets put inside. But for argument’s sake, we’ll just say it’s a waterproof box that’s going to be buried in the ground, to be dug up at least 50 years from now.

While I’m not entirely sure what I’d put inside of it, I know with certainty what I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t be putting in an iPhone or a computer or tablet. They’ll not only have better versions of their own, they’ll have our crap in museums, if anyone years from now even cares about that stuff. And don’t think that they won’t. You just know there’s a vault out there somewhere keeping the items of now safe for future spectacle. We live in a time where people have the means and manner to be obsessed with that kind of thing. They live in a world oversized time capsules. It’s almost cheating, in a way.

I think I’d want to put something inside that would mess with the people of the future. I’d want to put in something they wouldn’t expect, if there can even be expectations for a time capsule.

Maybe take a map of the subway system in New York and create a fake treasure map. Or maybe a fake diary describing the days of a serial killer. A print copy of Fifty Shades of Grey would really screw with their heads. “They read books printed on paper? They read books?” And that’s just the thought process that occurs before they read the book itself.

The writer half of me wants to leave something meaningful, though. It’s kind of a great story, if you think about it. A writer leaves a finished manuscript for a novel or a screenplay in a time capsule that doesn’t get opened until after the writer has passed away, and someone finds it in the capsule, and follows through with it. It gets published. The movie gets made. The writer’s name is continued on after death in a way that doesn’t happen very often, if at all.

Of course, that’s just ego talking.

– In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Time Capsule.”

One-Liner Wednesday – Age Mistakes

This actually happened at an old job when a customer was purchasing a beer:

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t sell you a beer, you’re under 21.”

Customer: “I’ve been over 21 for more than a year.”

***looks at date again***

***customer’s birthday is only a few days after my birthday, same year, same age as me***

***absolutely embarrassed***



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